Top 5 days of the Year for Romance

Here are 5 of the top days throughout the year that romance is a must. These tips are not expensive either, but are big on impact. These were just a few quick ideas, but please let me know if you have some better ideas. I would love to hear from you.

 

1. Birthday – Ask in advance of her actual birthday what she wants to do. If she doesn’t give you any ideas, then make plans for her prior to the day. Plan a day trip to take a drive, hike, walk, or bike ride. Start her birthday out with flowers and coffee and the rest will be gravy.

2. Anniversary – Have a weekend-get-away somewhere. Buy each other’s anniversary gift in the town you get away to. It will have extra special meaning. Make it something for the house and you will see all the time.

3. Valentine’s Day – Draw her a candle light bubble bath. Leave her a gift of jewelry wrapped up in her towel. (Be sure the tub is clean and the bathroom is tidy. She will appreciate the little extra touch.) Have headphones and her favorite CD waiting along with a glass of champagne, then disappear. Leave her a bell to ring when she is ready for your return. When you return bring her two chocolates on a plate and the bottle of champagne with another glass. (This is the part where you are naked!) Pour yourself a glass of the champagne then hop in the tub with her. Feed each other the chocolates, then enjoy the champagne and each other.

4. Christmas time – Share in the delight of your family at this time of year. Take a night to see the lights around town together as a family. Sing Christmas songs together as you drive around in the warmth of the car. Maybe do this in your p.j.’s. Pack hot chocolate and Christmas cookies for the ride. Build a fire when you return and watch a classic Christmas movie together under a blanket with the kids all around.

5. Special Occasion – Give her your credit card and let her pick out a nice outfit for your special occasion prior to the event. Make arrangements for the kids and on the night of the event take them to their activities for her while she gets ready and get make sure they are fed. Have the car ready and the route planned. Leave plenty of time for dinner and the event. Take a picture of her before you leave. Tell her how beautiful she is. Get to the event and ask someone to take a picture of the two of you together. Hold her hand and make lots of eye contact.

 

What are your top 5 days?

Why Men Divorce

This is one of the best articles about the reasons men divorce. It's in plain language so we girls will get it. Take a peek.
http://www.womansday.com/sex-relationships/dating-marriage/reasons-for-divorce

Holiday gifting can be vexing for kids of divorce By LEANNE ITALIE Associated Press

AP Photo/Cheryl Lyngar NEW YORK (AP) -- Tomi Tuel remembers a particularly vexing Christmas after her divorce. Her two kids received an Xbox as a gift and hauled it from home to home when it came time to visit their dad. "It was a complete hassle," she said. "All the cords got unplugged and rolled up and transported along with the games. Of course parts would be left or games wanted would be left behind."   So the siblings took matters into their own hands, working and saving enough in Christmas and birthday money to buy a second one, said the Folsom, Calif., mom.   Divorce can be challenging at the holidays under the most amicable of circumstances, and gifts sometimes add another layer of frustration - for young and old. Edwin Lyngar in Reno, Nev., has two kids from his first marriage. From his second he has two more kids and one stepson. Usually, he and his ex coordinate gifts for their two, but he recalls an unauthorized electric piano one year when his daughter, now 13, was about 5.   "Because I have primary custody, all of the presents end up at my house, and there are some really heinous things that I wish could stay." Stay at his ex's house, that is. "They're loud or annoying, but we try." Whether gift goofs are accidental or on purpose, a little planning can go a long way, said family law attorney Alan Plevy in suburban Washington, D.C. At the top of his wish list for such families: Avoid gifting competition.   "The recession has made it difficult for some. Suddenly a task shared by two now falls on each parent. Work together so one parent doesn't `outgift' the other," Plevy said. And if a child gets a long-wanted treasure, don't put limits on it, "such as `I gave you this gift so you can only use it at my house.' Children value peace over presents and they don't care about which parent gives them the most or the biggest gifts," he said.   Plevy's law partner, Kathryn Dickerson, said pleasing the kids come gift time without considering the ex can make a painful situation worse. "The children show up at the custodial parent's house, where they're living most of the time, with a puppy," she said. If that parent had wanted a puppy, she says, "they would have gotten one."   Jeff Goldberg has been divorced for about seven years and has three kids - 11-year-old twins and a 12-year-old. The subject of where their gifts live has come up with his ex, said the Long Beach, N.Y., dad. "I have a smaller house than she does so I like to get everything out of here," Goldberg said. "However, whenever we show up with anything, whether it's the holidays or not, it's like, `Oh no, take that back home. If you bought it, it's staying with you.'"   For Goldberg, who has one spare room for all three kids, it's a matter of storage. "I'm kind of a neat freak so if I can't put it away somewhere, I'd rather not have it," he said. Things have slowly worked themselves out, though, and now he realizes that having more stuff for the kids to call their own at his place gives them something to look forward to when they visit, usually every other weekend.   Tuel's kids are now 17 and 21 and estranged from their father, but when regular visits were a part of their lives, "My general rule was if it could fit in the car they could take it." At the holidays, especially, there was no way around the stress of moving the kids and their stuff from house to house, she said. Tuel said the kids came to her for Christmas Eve and her former husband picked them up Christmas Day, with a gift haul at each location. "I used to make them make a checklist to take with them and stuff it in their backpacks so they would remember to gather everything they took," she said. A lot of toys would get lost and misplaced, she said.   Lyngar has been divorced for 10 years and called the holiday for his kids a "cluster Christmas," also involving separate gift hauls and sometimes rides on airplanes. Because his ex now lives in a faraway state, leaving treasured gifts behind would mean his 13-year-old daughter might not see them for months.   For his two youngest, ages 4 and 6, Christmas comes twice - this year on Dec. 14 first, before older siblings head out for other family visits and commitments, then again on Christmas Day. "It's just a huge chess game," he said. "You have people moving in and moving out. You try to have one day when everyone's together. Whether it's two weeks before or two weeks after, it doesn't matter. That's Christmas."

Do You Suck at Valentines Day

Do you struggle with coming up with the perfect Valentines Day gift? Don't. It's not that serious. The key to a memorable Valentines Day is to keep it simple. Time is the best gift you can give some. It is something you can never replace, never take back, and comes in limited quantities.

So when you are stuck thinking, how should we spend our time, or what should we do, just remember: KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. (I'm not calling you stupid, that's just the expression.) Women love the traditional Valentines Day gifts: a box of chocolates, flowers and jewlry. So what if she's on a diet, we all love to receive chocolates. We all love flowers and jewelry too. These things don't have to cost an arm and a leg either.

Use your imagination and just do something together or alone if you are single at the moment. Get out of the house for awhile and just go do.

What are some of the best ways to spend Valentines Day on the cheap? I'd love to hear your ideas or ways you have spent cheap Valentines Day together. The cheaper the better.

Getting The Closure You Need

Not getting closure is like only finishing half a prescription. Your symptoms will come back.

This is self-sabotaging behavior. The ending of a serious relationship can be shattering. You go though a grieving period and then try to move on. When you rush into another serious relationship too soon after the last one, you don’t allow the dirt to settle.

We are all a little dangerous when we come out of a serious relationship. We are on the rebound. It is at this time that people tend to be a little selfish, too. The most selfish thing to do is to jump into bed with someone when you just ended a relationship. It is naïve to expect that you are fully recovered from your past relationship. It is even more naïve for your new partner (known as the rebounder) to expect you to be recovered. The sex may be great, but it can just get in the way later.

Even when you wisely wait to begin a new relationship, there is no guarantee that someone from your past will not cast indecision on your feelings for this new person. However, by approaching the new relationship slowly it allows you to work out any unresolved feelings and issues from your past relationship.

Unresolved feelings have a strange way of popping up at the weirdest times. I remember dating a guy and being transfixed with his feet. They seemed foreign to me. I remember thinking, those aren’t my ex’s feet. It was then that I knew I still had a problem. We were embracing and he was barefooted. I remember looking down and realizing I wasn’t in the moment. In my mind I had been in the arms of my ex. The sight of his feet brought me back to reality and when I pulled away I wanted to run.

If you haven’t achieved closure, it is inevitable that the past will haunt you. But, if you have been honest with yourself and your new partner, the two of you should be able to work through it. If your relationship is strong and based on friendship first, you can get the closure you need in a mature way. However, if it is not, you can expect continued pain and heartache on one side and confusion and neediness on the other.

Everybody Wants To Find Their Soul Mate, But Do You Have Soul?

Let’s face it, if you suffer from Relationship-ADD your chances of finding your soul mate are slim. You have some work to do. When you are sincere about finding lasting love, you will project sincerity. Though unspoken, it will be heard.

If you are ever to find your soul mate you must first be in touch with your own soul.

By that I mean, what moves you? What gives you goose bumps in life? What energizes you? What are your priorities and what are your beliefs? How do people remember you? These are the things that define your soul. When you can define yourself in this way, you are more in
touch with your soul.

Some people are motivated by causes to help others, others by the desire to please, and still others by challenges. Ask yourself what motivates you? Being more aware of who you are increases the chances of finding your soul mate.

The coming together of two hearts can happen in the simplest of moments. When one soul recognizes another like soul, it is magic. When I first met my current husband, my soul knew immediately. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. I was standing in a doorway watching him, and I remember thinking to myself, “Darn it, I’m going to like him.” I was just starting to like being alone, and then, without warning, it was over. My soul knew before I did.

I was attracted to his soul first and then his looks. Two weeks after he touched my soul, my heart felt the attraction. What does that mean, you ask? During that initial two week period of seeing Todd more and in different clothes, different situations, and studying him, my heart began to feel the attraction. But how he touched my soul is a different story – that was instantaneous.

Ask anyone who has ever experienced the soul connection and they will tell you very specifically when and where they were and what they were doing. Todd touched my soul
through my 3-year old daughter. As I stood in the doorway to my kitchen I watched him practice tying his shoes with her. It was that simple. The strange thing about it is, you
could ask 100 different men to perform that simple act and it would not mean anything other than grown men tying their shoes with a 3-year old. So why was it so significant to
me when Todd did it? I don’t honestly know, but I can tell you that fate had a lot to do with it.

Like every good tale, there is a story behind this story. Prior to meeting Todd I had briefly dated a guy in construction. One day he was trying to be helpful and unscrewed the drain line to my water heater. In protest I told him not to mess with it. It was old and had never been drained. It caused a slow leak and over a couple months caused some major damage.

Not everyone believes in fate, but I do.

Todd was my claims adjuster and I felt that fate had sent him to me. It was a Monday afternoon and he came to inspect the damage my water heater was causing.

Having a soul attraction is different from a physical attraction. The best way I can explain the difference is that a soul attraction will scare you. It’s that pivotal moment you swallow hard and think to yourself, “Uh-oh what’s that I’m feeling?”

GOING IT ALONE WITH CHILDREN- A Divorce Warrior’s Way

Here's one I wrote for Singlemindedwomen.com for their March 2009 issue. It's tough raising kids and even harder as a single parent. Hang in there, it does get easier.



After divorce, the process of morphing your life from ‘married’ to ‘divorced with children’ is a lot like going through Army boot camp for divorcees. You get a break when they say you get a break (they being the court). And you quickly learn to improve upon your time management skills. The rude awakening you are in for, will only serve you well. And one thing is certain, divorce is no Camp Cupcake!

Playing the role of both parents can be hard and sometimes leave you craving a break from your little darlings. When your “break” does come, it is usually consumed with running errands and grocery shopping. And if you blow off your responsibilities and have any kind of fun at all (like go on a date) during this so called “break,” you and every other divorce-warrior, like you, will be doing double time in the week to come. But fear not the hungry children awaiting you whom aren’t interested in your excuses. The Divorce-Army has taught you well. You will be prepared as evident by the crockpot meals you have learned to master and the trip to the grocery store on Monday’s noon hour…now, Double time MARCH soldier!

When it comes to bedtime, you will learn to be militant in your routine. As a single parent you can not afford the luxury of talking on the phone during the early evening. Between 8:30 and 9:15 you will be bedding the children down for the night. You will learn not to take even a five-minute call, as it will set you back thirty minutes making you late for the 9:30 roll call with Captain Kitchen. Ingeniously, you will learn to unplug the phone and let the messages go to voice mail until the children are asleep. Friends and family will know you are doing combat and will wait for your 9:30 distress signal…Mayday, Mayday!

When you start dating again you will have a curfew, of the court-ordered kind, to pick up and receive your children. Detaining the enemy is bound to inject a hostile situation and should be avoided at all cost. However, when this happens you will once again rely on your military training in hostage negotiation. Ultimately, you will learn to limit the distance of your retreats on your ‘off’ weekends…About FACE!

When parents are at war, children often become the POWs. Just remember, children will have divided loyalty, but will always defend the underdog parent. They don’t care who was right or who was wrong. They just want peace and freedom…Oh, Say, Can You See?

Be kind to your ex – at least eventually, and don’t talk bad about him/her in front of the kids. Just because you may not like your ex doesn’t mean you should crush your child’s image of them. They will eventually develop their own opinion without your help. Did you hear me soldier? Don’t teach them to hold your grudges…Yes, Drill Sergeant!

You’re soft! You’re weak! Quit your pouting! Of course disciplining children alone is hard. As a single parent you have to be both the nurturer and the enforcer. It is a hard role psychologically and as a single parent, you have no one to back you up. But you’re a divorce warrior, you can do this. Keep the rules simple and the consequences logical…Now drop and give me twenty!

Always keep in mind that your children come first. Do you hear me Private? This will guide you in your decisions. It’s not about you and your ex anymore. It’s about the children. Keeping this in the forefront will help guide you when you are not quite sure what to do. It’s not always about doing for your kids; it’s about doing what’s right for them. Now that you are a single parent, your life will have challenges you didn’t have before. Sure you may be more inconvenienced, now that you have to do it all, but when you weigh the inconveniences out with the benefits, you just learn to suck it up because it will payoff 10-fold in the long run…Atten-HUT!

Children can give you immense strength and are great teachers of the obvious, especially when you’re in the trenches. Just asking a child what they want can give you clarity. I’m not talking about leaving decisions up to a child, that’s not fair to them. But, when you are confused and need clarity, just ask your child what they think and then just listen, go brain dead after that and don’t judge their opinion…At EASE!

Location, location, location! Live close to your ex, at least while the kids are school age. It may be hard and you may not like it, but if it’s possible, living closer together for the sake of the children will make your life simpler. For one reason or another, it may not be possible -- the neighborhood may not be of your choosing, or it may be too far from your job. But if both parents share custody, it will make your life a whole lot simpler as the children get older and you shuttle them between activities and each other…Recon! Recon!

When divorce strikes like an air raid, we have to be ready. We didn’t all recruit ourselves, some of us were drafted. Everyone’s divorce reality will be different, but one thing is certain, it can be the most difficult thing you ever go through and the most life altering experience you ever come out of. Many soldiers have fallen from the battles of Heartbreak Ridge, but not you. You are a survivor, and that’s an order from your Brigadier General!
Tomi Tuel is the Author of 101 Things I Learned AFTER My Divorce. You may visit Tomi at her website: www.tomituel.com or on Twitter.