Thursday, November 13, 2008

Great Holiday Gift Ideas for the Single Mom

Christmas is coming and already the publishing industry is gearing up for their holiday issues. So, let me know what some of you are wanting for this holiday season...besides a man! As a single person with two small children (which I was for 5 years) I loved gifts that made my life easier, pampered me or saved me money. Here are ten of my gift giving ideas for the single mom:

  1. A toaster oven (saves on heating a large oven)

  2. Someone to pay the phone bill for a month (serves as free counseling sessions with friends)

  3. Starbuck gift cards ( I was too poor to justify the splurge...loved treating the kids to hot chocolate)

  4. Quality dinners already prepared (

  5. New slippers and bathrobes for you and the kids

  6. Lawn mowing service

  7. Housekeeper or Handyman for a day

  8. Flowers

  9. A manicure or pedicure

  10. Time Alone

What was the best gift someone gave you as a single mom/person?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


Divorce Warriors Unite!!

Hey did you know there is such a thing as divorce insurance. If you're interested here's the site. John Logan is the President & CEO. Nice guy. I'm sure he can help you out for your next marriage. Hey it's a great wedding gift too!

I have always thought it amazing that both parties in a divorce usually feel they have
been wronged – no matter who left whom. Like many injustices we experience, we want
the world to know the divorce wasn’t our fault. Unfortunately, there is no way to place legal blame in California and many other states. I remember how mad I was when I started filling out the paperwork to file for divorce. I kept looking for the box that said “Cheater” or “Adulterer,” but the only choices were “Irreconcilable Differences” or “Annulment.” I wanted to blame him, and there were no categories for that. I felt gypped.

At least in car accidents you have the choice of no-fault or you can cast 100 percent of
the blame on the poor fool that rear-ended you. Not so in divorce, even though I sure felt
like I had been rear-ended. It’s a little ironic. A total stranger can rear-end you by
accident, and you can sue him for damages. Depending on the circumstances you can put
him in the poor house, take his license away, and ruin his driving record if he is found at
fault. But your own spouse can ruin you financially, devastate you emotionally, and turn
your world upside down, and you can’t even legally have the satisfaction of blaming him
for causing you so much pain and anguish. You don’t get to legally say it was his fault or
her fault. Instead you have to check the box that says “Irreconcilable Differences” (code
words for: OUR FAULT)! I hated this description because it made me feel like I was
somehow responsible for the divorce, when he was the one who left. I was mad about that
at first; Why should I be blamed for something I didn’t do? I hadn’t learned yet how I had
contributed to the divorce.

In the end, you find out it doesn’t help to try to blame the other party. You both suffer
financially, emotionally, and in many other ways no matter who or what caused the
divorce. What is needed is no-fault divorce insurance: something to protect you against
the ensuing damages. But I’m here to tell you, you are your own best insurance plan.

Fishing Down the Mainstream – Online Dating

Hey there fellow Divorce Warriors,

Just so you know, I was divorced 10 years ago and have been remarried now for 5. Online dating wasn't really at the level it is now when I was back in the saddle. So, consequently, I never tried it. Some people swear by it. Here's an article that may resonate with some of you. Enjoy!

Friends love to set us up on blind dates. As good as their intentions are though, there is something to be said about anonymity when dating.

The thing about Internet dating is that you prescreen your date not your friends. But don’t be naive. What you see isn’t always what you get. How truthful are people when they post their profiles on the Internet? How can you be sure the self-proclaimed knockout blonde is a knockout, or a rich dude is really rich and is in fact a dude? The same caution that applies at a nightclub needs to be practiced online. People are just as likely to falsify their income, marital status, and employment, online as offline.

Internet dating is a pretty disposable way to weed through people. Before Internet dating, there were the personal ads, which always seemed to have a desperate connotation associated with them. I conducted a survey at various area Starbucks and online medium to see if people’s perceptions have changed over the years. Here’s what I found:

66% of people polled said they view people who do Internet dating as Adventurous.
33% of people polled said they view people who do Internet dating as Desperate.

Internet romance activities are much more mainstream than ever. According to a March 2006 study conducted by PEW/Internet’s they found that 31% of American adults say they know someone who has used a dating website and 15% of American adults – about 30 million people – say they know someone who has been in a long-term relationship or married someone he or she met online.

When meeting someone offline for the first time is it a good idea to practice some common sense rules of dating:
Meet in a public place
Do some background research on your date before you meet (even if it means paying for a background check)
Ask for photos
Ask for phone numbers
Trust your gut instinct

Internet dating is still fairly new, and there are many success stories, but what we haven’t heard yet is how many of these marriages end in divorce? Ew, I smell a survey monkey. If anyone conducts a study let me know, kay?

THE GENERAL RULES - What Every Re-Entry Dater Should Know

Hey Warriors,
Another article for you from the archive...enjoy!

So you’re out of the gates and dating again. You’ve been out of the dating scene for ages and are clueless about the rules. What are the boundaries and who’s writing the manual anyway? You need to know.


The general rules for divorce etiquette and “re-entry” dating are like the general rules in life. They are the unwritten codes of conduct that most of us understand, but don’t always abide. For example, if you are feeling fat, don’t talk about how fat you are around someone who is fatter. That sort of thing. We all understand that you don’t wear your slippers to the bus stop or around town, for that matter. You don’t walk up to someone’s front yard and start picking fruit off their trees; you don’t pick your nose or pop a zit while in traffic, and you don’t name your kid “Osama.”

Knowing the dating rules are one thing, applying them is another. Trust me when I say, you can do this. You can! You are a divorce warrior and it is just a date. Besides you are lookin’ hotter than ever! So before you talk yourself out of it, here are a few pointers for that uncomfortable first date all us new recruits have experienced.

Rule #1: What You Should Wear
The general rule is to act your age and dress age appropriately. If you need some help, just comb through a clothing store catalog for some ideas. Go to a department store and see what’s on display. Ask for help. Sales associates love a dating mission. Polish your shoes, and bring breath mints. For men, trim all probing facial hair and unibrows. Pull out the tweezers, for goodness sakes. Ladies too! Now go and have fun!

Rule #2: The First Date Should Not Last Longer than Two Meals
A general rule is that the first date should not exceed the length of 2 meals. You can pick which meals, but I recommend starting with just coffee. This date is commonly called the “Meet and Greet” date. It is short and sweet, and if you hit it off, it could turn into lunch. And if the date isn’t going anywhere, you can save your money and get on with your day. It is just safer that way.

Rule #3: Always Have a Plan “B”
If you learned nothing else from your divorce, you should have learned to always have a Plan B. This is a must! Anyone who has survived a divorce has had to kick Plan B into overdrive at one time or another. Plan B is what paid the mortgage the first month after you were separated. Plan B is what got you through when alcohol was not an option!

So when it comes to dating, always have someone waiting or something to do later. Have a friend call and check in to see if you need rescuing in case the date is a dud. This is why I never recommend dinner for the first date. If you are the one paying, it can get costly. Spending money on people you will never see again or who may not appreciate the dinner is a bad investment. Spend your money wisely and keep the first date short and sweet.

Rule #4: Do Your Club Research.
If you are at all like me, your first naked encounter came way before you actually took off your clothes. I’m talking about that first blast of humility you get when you walk into a bar for the first time in ages. Suddenly the Emperor has no clothes and tag, “you’re the Emperor!” A good rule of thumb is if you’ve never heard the music they are playing, then you are probably in the wrong bar. Better places to go are hotel chains that cater to an older crowd for dinner and dancing.

Rule #5: Topics To Avoid
If you just raked your ex over the coals, don’t brag about it. That kind of stuff has no place for impressing a potential date. It won’t be funny to them. Chances are either they themselves were, or someone they know was, screwed in a divorce unfairly, and you become an easy target. Avoid talking about your troubles on a first date, period!

What is ironic is that by the end of our divorce we crave companionship, but the reality is we are not ready for another relationship, even if we think we are. It is a Catch-22.

We want to date, but the chances of being successful depend on how you define success. If that means having sex, then a meaningful relationship isn’t in your plans, and by virtue of your own definition you will probably be successful. But, if successful dating to you means finding your soul mate, then odds of that happening greatly increase when you seek to understand your own shortcomings. Most divorced people learn this after they’ve been doing the dating thing for a while and nothing solidifies. They soon learn that it is important to take time to rediscover themselves first. (See Chapter 8 – Being Rejuvenated)

So fast forward, you have spent time rejuvenating yourself and you are now ready to date. Let’s get you reacquainted to the swing of dating. Just know this, what you thought worked in your 20s may not work for you now. Besides how long ago was that, a decade or two? The whole scene is different now. To get you up to speed, here are some lessons and principles that will help you meet and grow with that special someone.

You’ve heard this expression before, but have you ever really paid attention to it? When a relationship is new, everyone is on his or her best behavior and intentions of being a good partner are 110 percent. Moreover, when the sex is good, a new couple can’t get enough of each other. They enjoy each other’s company and want to spend a lot of time together. Pretty soon they know each other’s schedules and calendars and are thrown into an unspoken commitment. Suddenly, when one person needs space and the relationship it halted, the one left behind feels used. These kinds of romances beg for air. When no space is built into the relationship, it is safe to say it began with neediness. If this situation is all too familiar, then my next bit of advice may shock you. This wouldn’t happen if everyone would just settle down and get out of heat!

Many people think “not rushing” means waiting a month or two to have sex. Not so. Not rushing things means waiting to get to know the other person before you have sex. That can take much longer than two months. In today’s dating scene, waiting this long would seem abnormal to most people. That’s because our society is so impatient, and the expectation is that if you haven’t “gotten any” by the third date, there must be something wrong. Avoid this trap. Don’t let your sexual activity exceed your level of commitment.

Relationships need time to flourish and grow. Most new couples have to endure some bumps in the road before a relationship hits its best cruising speed. So don’t panic if you are guilty of rushing and your partner tells you they need some space. Give it to them on a long rope with no anchor and be highly patient. If nothing else, dating after divorce will teach you patience.

In my book, you are not committed to anyone until you have talked about whether it is a mutual commitment. If you feel like playing the field for a while, then do that and don’t feel guilty. The general rule here is: Make no assumptions when it comes to commitments. Commitments are not implied at this stage in life. This is difficult for the newly divorced because once you have been divorced, you seek comfort in absolutes, and knowing where you stand in your new relationship is one of them. Be careful though, because this can frighten a potential partner who has been single for a long time. You could come across as clingy.

Too often when commitments are implied, a misunderstanding is certain to happen and one person ends up getting hurt. So before you speak to your partner about wanting a commitment, ask yourself, “What do I want?” Do I want to keep it light with Brian and see what happens with Rich, or do I want to jump back into another serious relationship? If the goal is to find yourself, but have companionship along the way, then now is not the right time to be committed to anyone except yourself.

Try not to confuse having sex with someone as the “implied commitment.” That’s the trap for both men and women. Ask yourself this question: “Would you buy a house without researching the market?” Probably not. You’re going to see what else is out there, run a few comparables, see what fits your budget, check out the location, etc. People who don’t invest the time to really define what it is they are looking for in a relationship, wind up settling for that property near the substation. You should have fun during this phase of your life. You finally have that second chance you so boldly worked to achieve. Don’t give up the farm too quickly. Do your relationship research!

It is important to understand that not all post-divorce relationships are equal, and the reasons for their ending can seem unclear to us if we are the one dumped.

The Rebounder Sexship
Rebound relationships are based on sex and companionship, henceforth, it is a “sexship”. The rebounder is usually the first person we have a pseudo-relationship with after a major break up. If they are clued in, the rebounder will know their status and will proceed with caution. So here’s the tip: Being the rebounder is risky and is best left to people who want to fill a temporary void in someone’s life. The rebounder should realize there is no future in this relationship. It is what it is.

The trouble with being the rebounder is the rebounder may not realize they are one. Naturally, rebounders may not be too understanding when you suddenly tell them you might have unresolved feelings for your ex.

So how do you avoid becoming the rebounder? Ask your partner the simple question, “What would you do if your ex came back tomorrow?” Their answer should be very telling. The only answer you want to hear is this, “That already happened and it didn’t work.”

As a rebounder, to avoid any surprises, it is good to get dialed in right away on where you stand. Your first clue is where you fall on your partner’s post-divorce relationship list. If you are the first person they have dated, chances are you are the rebounder. Wise rebounders give their partners plenty of time and space, and they don’t rush into anything, including sex, if they want the relationship to last.

The Relationship of Convenience Sexship
The relationship of convenience is a “sexship” too and is based on one thing, sex. This relationship works well with two people who are comfortable with each other, but don’t
ever want a relationship together and they are both clear on that. Relationships of convenience can end when one party is no longer available for the bootie call (see chapter 7…it’s a good chapter) or the enjoyment of sex with that person runs out. If you were involved in what you thought was a relationship and it ended suddenly, perhaps what you were in wasn’t a relationship at all. Maybe it was a “sexship”.

From the Tuelbox
Making the Honor Roll at the ‘School of Hard Knocks’ is not easy. Your GPA is based on your post-divorce dating IQ. The more you know about the General Rules the better your chances of acing the test!

6 Challenges to Managing the Aftermath

Hi Divorce Warriors,

Thought I would share with you an article that was Published in the March or April issue of Details earlier this year. The article came out something different from this. Sorry gals, this one has more of a guys slant to it...

The list can go on and on, but these are some of the biggies.


· First of all alcohol is not is option! So, if you are still in love with your wife this is a painful experience. Just remember you are worthy. If your goal is to win her back just remember and it isn’t too late and stranger things have happened. I always say the only way to fight for love is to fight with love. It may kill you, but be her friend. Be her confidant, and be consistent with the kids.

· Now, if you both agree it is time to move on, then just remember and be prepared for the sting. It is just human nature to react when you take the kids back to her and the new bo answers your door or is mowing your lawn. Just remember, to breathe. Remain calm and be as normal as possible. Your goal is to be a nice guy. It will make the new guy wonder why you split and it will work in your favor.

Then, go visit a friend and let it all out. Just get through it.

· When your wife starts dating before you are ready to, start taking care of yourself. Do what you have to do to get yourself straight in the head. Spend time with your kids if you have them, work out, treat yourself to some small reward, keep life simple, and eat right.

· Surround yourself with people who love and care about you.

· Stay busy.

· Take out a female friend. Sometimes just the attention and company of the opposite sex will lift your spirit.

2. HOW TO GO ABOUT DATING YOURSELF - What are the rules to Re-Entry dating?

· How to find Miss. Right.
· You must first be in touch with your own soul if you are ever to find your soul mate. Figure out what gives you goose bumps in life. How will people remember you, these are the things that define your soul.
· Join a gym, start a project, take up a hobby, take up a low impact sport (cycling…women love bike rides)
· Where to go for a date.
· I always recommend coffee for a first date. Coffee is something that is inexpensive and can be morning or night. After coffee, you can meander to a book store, or take a walk. Keep it simple. Picnics are a little too romantic for a first date.
· How long should the date last?
· In the beginning, the date should not last more than 2 meals…preferable in the order, breakfast, lunch, or dinner! Not dinner, then breakfast if you know what I mean.
· What to wear?
· Comb a Spiegel’s catalog or hit the mall. Sales girls love a dating mission. Bring breath mints and trim all probing facial hair!
· Don't rush into anything.
· Wait 2 good years before jumping into your next serious relationship. You wouldn’t buy a house without running a few comparables. So do your research; otherwise, you will end up with the same spouse who happens to have a different name!


These days there’s only a social stigma if you’ve been divorced more than once. So, learn from this experience. The divorce rate for second marriages is 60%.
· Social settings that may get a little awkward for the newly divorced include sporting events for your children, dinner invitations that seem more like a set up, or work related functions maybe.
· You’ll come out ahead if you act kind to your ex or take your personal matters up privately if you are both invited to the same function…for example a crab feed for a school fundraiser and both you show up with dates, but let’s face it, who can afford a fundraiser…you’re in the middle of a divorce, remember!


· How do you inform?
I’m not a big fan of the shotgun announcement with e-cards. People send them for many reasons; one reason is so that you only have to tell the story once. But my friend, it is a personal announcement, so make it personal and tell your friends personally. You wouldn’t send an announcement if you were undergoing a vasectomy or hair transplant. So, my advice is keep it discrete and when the time is right, tell.
· Who do you inform?
However, a few people need to know immediately: your boss, your children’s teachers, daycares, your children’s coaches. Bosses need to know so they can make adjustments to your workload and understand when you need a mental health day or two. Teachers and daycares need to know so they can monitor your children and if there are any court orders in place. Coaches need to know so they can get the schedule changes to both parents.


· Who’s to say what motivates some one to go through, what I call, the PIG Theory after their divorce. For whatever reason, if you have to go through this just be educated about it. Know that you will get a reputation if you continue through this phase longer than the socially acceptable norm (4-12 months). There’s nothing worse than an ignorant Pig!
· Don’t let your level of sexual activity exceed your level of commitment.
· Date many people (not to be confused with screw many people). The last thing you want to do is jump back into a serious relationship and have a crazy girlfriend to contend with. You fought hard and sacrificed much for your freedom, so be smart.
· If you find yourself going through this phase, then do the honest thing and tell the women you are dating you aren’t emotionally ready for any kind of commitment and it is, what it is. And guess what? If you score then you’ve achieved Pig status. Maybe you’ll get lucky and she’ll be in this mode too.
· If you need the tactile touch of another, go get a massage before your date.


· This will just happen naturally. By now most of your friends that were single then are probably married now.
· It only takes a phone call to reconnect with and old friend. They are not the issue. The issue is all of your friends are married making it hard to do things with them presently. So they may end up taking a back seat in your life for awhile. They will understand and your true friends will always be there for you.
· The bright side to divorce is that you will establish new friendships. You will gravitate toward other people who are going through what you are going through. These friends become your pillars of strength and your support network. They are what I call, Chump Friends. They will relate to you better than anyone and will give you perspective…what you need.

Alice in 'No Wonder' Land

There I was newly divorced wondering how did this happen? How did we get to this point? Why is she better for him than me? I found myself asking these questions as if they were part of the Seven Wonders of the World. Well to me, at that time, it was. Anyone recently dumped for someone else knows what I am talking about. You know the hurt, the confusion, and the overwhelming feeling of just getting through the day.

But after several months of self-reflection on where I went wrong, I began to see that it was no wonder at all that we had ended up this way. Did you catch that? Let me repeat what I just said. I said, where I went wrong. I know what you are thinking. He left you, so why was it your fault?

Don’t get me wrong. Any one who cheats has a huge character flaw. There is nothing to debate about that. But here’s where, if you want to move on from the hurt, you have to ask yourself, “How did I contribute to my own divorce?” You have to hold yourself culpable to some degree, in due time of course. Bare with me as I make my point, because if you are at all like me, I’d be cussing me out right now and would be using this article to line my trash cans!

After realizing that perhaps I was guilty of ignoring the red flags in the beginning or that quite possibly I had jumped into something too fast at too young an age, I began to see that it was no wonder I was at this spot in my life. You know the spot I’m talking about – the center of the target waiting to take the next bullet.

I saw the warning signs before the wedding, but chose to ignore them. If you really think about it, maybe you did too. Maybe you ignored the excessive drinking, the drug use, the dead end job, the violent temper, the controlling behavior, or the wandering eye. The hardest part to getting a divorce, is admitting to yourself that perhaps you were wrong about this person when others warned you.

The divorce bull’s eye is no place to hang out, but it is where you will be temporarily after a divorce. It’s the spot where all the sole providers stand when they are barely scraping by financially. It’s the spot where all those who are overwhelmed stand contemplating what it would be like to have a life of their own. It’s the spot where the walls are caving in and everything around you is broken. In short, it’s the spot where you are stretched, pulled, striped, and tapped of time, money, and energy. It’s the spot where you stand alone.

Having a poor picker is only part of the problem. Sometimes a person’s character traits don’t manifest until later in life and you can’t predict the future. Not knowing enough about who you are before you get married is the other part of this equation. Spend time getting to know yourself before you jump back into the fire. If marriage taught you nothing else, it at least taught you this: Marriage will teach you what you don’t want. So learn from that and remember, in order to find your soul mate, you must first be in touch with your own soul.

You divorced for a reason and though you might like to believe this untrue, it wasn’t because you were 100% perfect and he was 100% flawed. Unfortunately, many people rush back into the security of a relationship before they have done the hard work that is required from being alone. Spend the time self-reflecting. It is essential to making a change within.

Everyone knows the divorce rate for first time marriages is 50%, but it is no wonder the divorce rate for second time marriages is even higher at 60%.

So where’s the map to Wonderland? How do you get there from here when all you can do is think about them and how sucky your life is because of him? Don’t despair. This map is within you. It’s buried beneath the surface, just past the anger. It is a treasure hunt to find it, but you must seek the treasure! The riches will reveal themselves from your struggles, that is, if you chose to learn from them.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

What Do You Call Your Ex Contest

I thought it might be kind of fun to see who has the funniest name for their ex in their cell phone. What? You've never thought of actually labeling your ex with a new name in your cell phone? Oh come on aboard my snowy pure nieve little friend. We all do it. It takes the edge off of having to take the call when "#$$@!" is calling.

Blow the names out there, let's hear from you.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Divorce Court: 5 Eye-Opening Things You Should Know before You Go.

There's no denying it, divorce court is sucky. Taking your spouse to court is not fun, especially if you have children together. Splitting of the assets is one thing, but when it comes to splitting of the children it is quite another. Hang tough, you will get through this phase and eventually you will find some common ground with your ex, it just takes tickety-tock, time.

Going to divorce court for the very first time can be a life-altering ordeal. Sitting before a judge with your spouse is never easy. It is a humbling experience and one you never wish to repeat. Yet, the process surprises many people because they simply did not know what to expect.

No body prepares you for court really. It is one of those things that you have to fully experience to understand. Some counties are now trying to alleviate some of the first court jitters by requiring divorcing couples to attend an orientation session before their actual court date to discuss custody and the splitting of assets. Kudos to those counties now doing this; however, now you can have two days of loose stool instead of one. I mean it is a nerve racking ordeal to see your ex in court or even orientation for court.

In today's entry I would like to point out a few of the unspoken things no orientation can prepare you for. For example, who's writing the etiquette manual on this anyway? When your day in court is over and it is time to exit the building here's what no one warns you and your ex have probably parked your cars in the same vicinity and guess what? You get to walk all the way out to your cars together as if total strangers. Or, worse yet, if your ex has no common sense, they will try to strike up an argument about the outcome in court from 10 paces behind you. My advice to you, is get all your paperwork done then and there and then run like your hair's on fire to your car. Ask for an escort if you feel unsafe and avoid contact with your ex at all cost this day.

1. Debunking the Preconceived Notions about Divorce Court
People have preconceived notions about what goes on in divorce court. We envision a long drawn out battle with attorneys taking the floor and submitting photos taken by an undercover agent catching our ex in the act. As much as you would like to believe the judge cares if our ex slept around, or burned your belongings, they don’t. Here are a few preconceived notions we have.

  • I will look better if I make my ex look bad. Quite the opposite happens if this is your approach. Let the facts speak for themselves. Just remember family court judges have heard it all. You hope for an empathetic judge, but you must realize it is just another day in court for them.

  • I will get to take the stand. It doesn’t work like that. No one is on trial here. You and your ex sit before the judge and he goes through the division of your assets, and if you have children, the custody arrangements too.

  • We have a court date; therefore, we will be the only ones in the court room. Yeah, you and about 25 other couples! Yours is not the only case du jour. There will be a room full of other divorcing couples and the judge only has a few minutes to hear your case. You are truly part of a cattle call and if the judge can get through most of them by lunchtime, it will be a good day! Oh yeah, and because you are part of a cattle call, you will get to hear everyone’s dirty laundry and they will get to hear yours.

2. The Courtroom Experience (before, during, and after)


  • Be prepared. Get all your paperwork in order. Submit all documents to the court you intend to discuss that day. Serve all papers that need to be served. Practice what you want to say and achieve.
  • Be and look professional. You want to make a good first impression with the judge and this is the fastest way you can do that.
  • Get there early.

During - The Do’s/Don’ts of how to act.
Know it is going to be awkward. Sitting there in court with your soon-to-be ex is never comfortable. A good judge should be mindful of this, but some forget. It is okay to let the judge know this is difficult for you.

  • Don’t talk over or interrupt your ex. Let them complete their sentence.
  • Do ask for permission to speak
  • Do address the judge as “Your Honor"
  • Don’t loose your temper or say something snide


  • Avoid each other. Know that it will be emotional. Tempers may flair.
  • Avoiding each other may be hard to do when you are parked near each other and walk out at the same time. Ask for an escort if you feel threatened.

3. How To Alleviate the Stress of Going to Court
Sit in on a few cases days before your case is to be heard. You will see how fast cases are heard and you will see what the judge faces every single day. You will get to see the room you will be in and how the process works.

4. Tips for handling the judge’s decisions
Try not to despair. Just because things maybe didn’t go your way in court, doesn’t mean that later you can’t work out a different arrangement. Nothing is forever and things always have a way of working themselves out. And if things went your way in court, then maintain your professionalism and don’t jump up and down. Be considerate of your ex’s position.

5. Top 10 Things You Should Never Say to a Divorce Judge Regarding Child Support (Tomi’s List).
10. That’s too much child support, I can’t afford that. I’d have to get a second job!
9. I don’t have a job.
8. I’m livin’ in my car and you want me to pay their medical insurance? So what if I drive
a Porsche!
7. Why don’t I just pay for her boob job too?
6. It doesn’t cost that much to feed those brats!
5. The ultimate denial, “They’re not my kids!”
4, Your Honor, he gets paid under the table, I know because we faked our tax return.
3. That’s a lie!
2. I don’t mean to interrupt you judge, but…
1. And the number 1 thing you should never say after you’ve been awarded child support is……..Yaba Daba Doo!